The decision to stay or leave a relationship is not one to be taken lightly. In either case, we choose to take on the obstacles of overcoming challenges, forgiveness, and moving forward. However, when a relationship has clearly reached its breaking point, we often find ways to justify sticking around even if its to our detriment. Below, here are the three main lies we tell ourselves in our desperation to hold on:
- It’s God’s Will: Yup, I’m going there first. For those who have a religious or spiritual belief system, the message of “God won’t let me endure anything I can’t handle” has been warped into this notion that we have to stay in chaos for some higher, esoteric purpose or for some “divine lesson,” and that leaving would mean being disobedient to a higher power and thus incurring some form of punishment therein.
The TRUTH: While yes God can indeed turn some less than desirable circumstances around in our favor, the idea that God would purposely have us suffer in a relationship to teach us a lesson is ridiculous. No truly loving parent, divine or otherwise, would deliberately hurt their child then call it healing. Shake the dust from your feet and go!
- I Can’t Do Better: The scarcity mindset doesn’t only exist in terms of money. Constantly hearing the idea that “All the good men are taken” or “This is the best I can do, so I better just take it” has held people in relationships way past their expiration date.
The TRUTH: There is no sense in being in a bad relationship for the sole reasoning of “something is better than nothing.” You owe yourself more than that, and perhaps some alone time is in order to give you the space to find love for yourself from within.
- I Don’t Have a Future Without Them: This one especially hurts my heart. This mentality is one where the one trying to hold on has truly lost their way. They have managed to intertwine their lives so deeply with a partner who doesn’t appreciate them to the point that they have lost their sense of self. It is a dangerous place to be so enmeshed with a person that you lose your own identity, as this leaves you wide open for manipulation, misery, and abuse of all kinds.
The TRUTH: To this I say to take a page from Samantha Jones’ book and always strive to love yourself more than any partner ever could. By doing this, you will always be ready to leave a relationship that diminishes your light and offers you less than what you need or deserve. It will also ensure that you will have the mental and emotional strength to build a fabulous life that you will enjoy living regardless of your relationship status.
Relationships are meant to be enjoyed, not endured.