Inspirational vs. Idolized

Author’s note: this was originally an Instagram post, but I figured if I’m going to be fully accountable I had better publish it here.

The news of Derrick Jaxn has me thinking. 

Granted, the fallout of this scandal isn’t surprising. It’s also disappointing. Here’s a guy whose brand was built on pointing flawed behavior in relationships (mostly pertaining to men), only to find out that he himself is engaging in flawed behavior of his own. I wonder how differently things would have played out had he been open and honest from the beginning. Ironically, we find that the more we are up front about our imperfections, the more relatable we become, the more accepted we are, and we help many others that we would have never touched by trying to portray ourselves as “perfect.”

With that being said, I’m inspired to be open and honest myself. 

Yes, I have been on the receiving end of heartbreak—but make no mistake, I have been the perpetrator too. Ghosted? Check. Mistress? Check. Cheater? Check. None of this is a source of pride (believe me) and I damn sure reaped the consequences of my actions, albeit away from public view. Even now I work through the shame of my past. But that’s the thing: I’m working through it. I recognize where I was wrong and am taking the steps to fix myself so that I don’t hurt others in the future. Between God, my therapist, and my life coach, change is fast approaching. Sometimes it’s painful, but oh does it work wonders to face myself. 

So, this is why I air out my dirty laundry. Do NOT elevate me into “perfection.” Do not put me on a pedestal. Instead, see me for who I am: a person who has screwed up their fair share of times and is simply building a platform to help people to avoid the myriad of mistakes I made. I figure that if I do this, I can help so many others to avoid the pitfalls—and who knows, maybe atone for those I hurt. 

I am not your guru. I am your humble guide. 

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